I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
