ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
