Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
