I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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