just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
