Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
