I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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