this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
