You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How naked do you want me to be?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize