the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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