Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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