How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
