im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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