I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
