bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
