i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
