Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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