When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
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We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
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I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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