cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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