Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize