i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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