As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just pee around me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
