Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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