So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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