i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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