Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
