It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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