Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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