I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sorry about my life...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
