Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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