I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
