So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
