I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
