I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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