My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
