girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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