I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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