He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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