there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
