This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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