Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
