Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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