When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he was CRYING into my vagina
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
