I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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