i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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