I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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