He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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