Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
