Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
