If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
