He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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