I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
