he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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