Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I intend to get homeless drunk
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
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