okay pat passed out under dana's car
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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