I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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