is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you had me at cake vodka
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
