question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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